I hate listening. I hate being involved in somebody else’s life overall, though I love to know them, their life.
When I listen to someone, my mind often wandering and making wild assumptions. my imagination runs wild, and I can’t control it. As a compensation, I will try to help them, further getting into their life. It annoys me a lot. I can’t even pull my(stupid)self together, yet I’m trying to help people to pull themselves.
Another thing, sometimes I can’t control myself. I always try to have full control of myself, my thoughts and emotions. but when I feel something (say, admiration) I lost control of myself. I always let myself loose, hoping that said person, the one that I adore will getting used to myself, the real me without any lie. It’s a stupid hope, I know.
Bottom line, I hate myself so much, I felt extremely apologetic towards my friends who sticks with me until now.
I made this post at 1 a.m after having a really bad day, even meeting my crush can't fix it :|.
From someone with no self-esteem, but stupidly trying to have one,
Zahra Salsabila
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